i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
