the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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