I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
