Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
