you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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