at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
