I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
