I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize