I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
