Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
