I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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