Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
