Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
