It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize