the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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