No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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