During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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