so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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