Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
