I cockslap morals
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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