I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
