R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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