i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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