If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
