I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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