After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
