i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
