and you said cock pushups were impossible
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
