Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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