I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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