So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
