She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
