Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
