Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize