My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
