I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
