I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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