i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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