Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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