A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
