At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
