i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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