Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
