The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
