how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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