i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
