I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
