How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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