I bet he comes in French.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
