Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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