i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
