Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
