I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
