a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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