I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
