i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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