She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
