I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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