our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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