I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
