So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
