I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
