i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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