You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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