Barsexuality is the new black.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
