yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
