Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
