i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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