I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
