Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
