come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't turn off my feet"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
