i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
