but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize